Awake and Alive

"I'm at war with the world and they
Try to pull me into the dark
I struggle to find my faith
As I'm slipping from your arms

It's getting harder to stay awake
And my strength is fading fast
You breathe into me at last

I'm awake I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life
Here, right now
I'll stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I'm awake and I'm alive

I'm at war with the world cause I
Ain't never gonna sell my soul
I've already made up my mind
No matter what I can't be bought or sold

When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again

Waking up waking up

In the dark
I can feel you in my sleep
In your arms I feel you breathe into me
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you
Forever I will live for you"

Skillet, Awake and Alive, Awake


I write this missive as a statement, a pledge to myself and to my God.

I will not be brought down by negativity, disagreement over spirituality, religion, race, creed, gender or anything else that could be viewed as divisive. I will not be sucked into political discussion, for it is an argument that can never truly be won. I will not be told what to believe. I will not force what I believe is right down anyone's throat.

No longer will the darkness of the world affect me, nor will I allow anyone, and I mean anyone, to force said darkness upon me. No longer will I perpetuate the darkness through my words, actions, and thoughts.

For those of you who are too busy wrapped up in these types of degradation, I have only one thing to say- "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" - Matthew 7:3

If Jesus was here today, and He aligned himself with the Democratic Party, would you Republicans say that His ways were wrong? What if He aligned Himself with the GOP? Would you Democrats call him stupid and uneducated? Let us not forget that Jesus was the King of Kings, and the royal color is purple - red and blue mixed.

If Jesus, the One who sacrificed Himself for us, could love everyone unconditionally, and we as the Body of Christ cannot emulate that love, then His death can be viewed as a death in vain. Care to prove me wrong? Stop living in the darkness. Stop all the hate. Stop all the fighting. Don't live as Christians, live as Disciples of Christ.

I'm at war with the world, and they try to pull me into the dark. However, I'm awake, I'm alive, I know what I believe inside. Now, it's my time, I'll do what I want, because this is my life. Here, and right now, I'll stand my ground, and never back down, I know what I believe inside, I'm awake and I'm alive.

Save Me

"And he tells everyone a story, 'cause he thinks his life is boring, and he fights so you won't ignore him, 'cause that's his biggest fear, and he cries, but you rarely see him do it, and he loves but he's scared to use it, so he hides behind the music, 'cause he likes it that way, and he knows he's so much more than worthless, he needs to find the surface, 'cause he's starting to get nervous..."

I was once told by a very dear friend that this verse from Thousand Foot Krutch's "This Is A Call" fit me to a tee. She was absolutely right. I hate who I am, what my life has become, and quite honestly, I hate being ignored. It makes me feel like I'm absolutely worthless, not worth anyone's time. I do cry, I'll admit it, but no one will ever see me do it, save for those in my home. I hide behind the music, because it's truly the only place I ever feel worth something anymore. I feel like these artists are writing a way for me to mask the pain I feel. I need to find a way out, because I truly am starting to feel nervous.

This friend of mine just happens to be my best friend, the girl I am head over heels in love with. I'm stricken with conflict as to what I should do about the situation. Do I confess how I truly feel and hope she feels the same way? Do I keep it all inside, not wanting to destroy the friendship we've come to forge? Later in the song, Trevor sings this bridge...

"Have you ever felt this way before? I don't want to hide here anymore, take me to a place where nothing's wrong, thanks for coming, shut the door, and they say someone sees us, well, if you're real, then save me, Jesus, 'cause I've been this way for far too long, I wasn't meant to feel alone..."

Save me, indeed, Jesus. I need guidance, a clear path, for this situation and for my life's plan. Save me.



jude

Portrait

Your charisma entices me, filling my lungs
Like the taste of sweet honey on my tongue
A scene so sad, knowing I that I have sinned
Cocked the hammer back, and pulled the trigger again
And as the bullet meets backbone
I'll find myself truly alone
With only myself to blame

I gaze upon the portrait of a life, that I've lived
So much I've wanted and craved, what have I to give?
A portrait of a life, missing a point of view
An incomplete canvas, the subject missing is you

Your aura enraptures me, warming my heart
Beating while knowing insecurity waits to tear it apart
A frame still cracked, the glass has shattered again
Smiles give way and submit to the failure within
And as the casing hits the ground
I know you won't be around
I have only myself to blame

I gaze upon the portrait of a life, that I've lived
So much I've wanted and craved, what have I to give?
A portrait of a life, missing a point of view
An incomplete canvas, the subject missing is you

All of my dreams, never saw fruition
I've written my fate, my own perdition
I shot myself in the back once too many
Never saw what I had right in front of me
It was you


"pretending I don't feel misplaced is so much simpler than change."

jude